Grief and Productivity
When I was in the process of losing my Dad, and after he had passed being productive felt impossible, and wrong. I’m not sure that makes sense, but maybe others who have lost someone can relate. It affected everything in my life from my relationships, my mood, to my sense of direction. I was also dealing with a recent ADHD diagnosis, and trying to figure out how to manage that.
At the same time, I’m trying to be a better partner, which comes with its own struggles when dealing with loss and grief. On days when I shut down I felt selfish, like I was doing something “wrong”. Months later, I still feel like if I’m having bad days I feel a sense of guilt, like I need to be doing something. I realize a lot of this is probably in my own head, and I’m just beating myself up, but the feeling is still there. I need to keep moving and trying though, and these have helped to get me moving.
Setting realistic goals
Trying to ask too much of myself while working through this process was its own pitfall. I would make giant lists of things I want to do, and never really accomplish them for the day. I would be lost in my grief and in a spiral, and feel paralyzed and unable to do anything. To make matters worse, my ADHD would kick in and my decision paralysis combined with executive dysfunction would just leave me unable to do anything.
I had to start small. Something as simple as writing one line of code, one sentence in a blog post, picking up one item in the office or putting an item away. A small task would jumpstart me, and I’m able to carry the small win over to more tasks.
Music
A small note on music, but popping in my Galaxy Buds and putting on a song, podcast, or audiobook that I love is an amazing “hack” (I hate that word). I found listening to these things would help my focus and really get me into being productive.
Using a physical timer
I bought a physical timer that sits on my office desk. If I want to work for a set amount of time I get to physically use the timer and set it. I don’t have to worry about unlocking my phone, opening an app, going to the alarms, setting a new alarm. This thing is physical, and has one purpose. This is also good for some leisure activity, like watching YouTube or gaming.
It also helps with knocking me out of my hyperfocus, which I really need at times. One of the struggles of ADHD is sometimes when you hyperfocus you put personal care aside, so you are way too focused on a task, good or bad, and forget basic needs like going to the bathroom, or eating, or going to bed when you need to.
Writing tasks in a journal
Something I have been playing around with lately is physically writing down my tasks in a journal. I was a little skeptical at first that I was going to stick with this, but so far after a few weeks I have been consistently keeping up with it. Something I did not consider was how much easier it is to record my thoughts, or tasks I want to do.
If I want to record a task or note on my phone, I have to unlock my phone, find the app, ignore all my notifications, open the app, get to the correct screen, and record it. Being able to just pick up my small notebook, flip it open and start writing and keep that thought in my mind without being bothered by a notification helps tremendously.
Final thoughts
These are the little things helping me navigate my grief and ADHD, hopefully they can help some other people. The process is not perfect yet, and some days I definitely feel more productive than others. I need to keep trying though, and getting small wins where I can.